REFLECT... КУАДУСЕШЩТ # 33 ::: ОГЛАВЛЕНИЕ
aвтор визуальной работы - ("Cocoon") – Рина Клиот
Today’s news: Sarah Parkinson, wife of Paul Merton, died from breast cancer. She was diagnosed at the same time as me. She has chosen alternatives under supervision of Dr. Rosy Daniel. She did not make it. I wonder why. She was doing all the right things and she was happy having a loving partner and marrying him only three month before she died. All the alternative people say that breast cancer connected to problems with relationships. It was not, as I assume, her problem. What happened to Sarah Parkinson?
In all the cancer circles one hears the same names over and over again. As soon as I was diagnosed, I called to Bristol Cancer Help Centre and ordered an information pack in which as they told me I will have an information of how to start my program on beating cancer. Ninety percent of the information which I have received in a pack was what I consider an advertisement by Rosy Daniel of her (Rosy Daniel’s) centre. I was very angry at her and never after that even thought about bristol’s methods which were anyway the same as anyone’s else. Now after Sarah Parkinson died there is a big discussion in newspapers about alternative therapies in healing cancer. It looks that Dr Rosy Daniel does not have any strong evidence except good thoughts and intentions. It does not appeal to me that (as she says) Sarah Parkinson died in a good spirit because I want to live in a good spirit.
It is common position in all the cancer alternatives that diet is the most important thing for a cancer patient. Is it? Linda McCarty was vegetarian for most of her life. The same was my husband. And Aveline Kushi, wife of leader of macrobiotic diet Mishio Kushi and very advanced teacher on macrobiotic cooking herself, died from cancer. And I wonder why some of anticancer diets tell us to eat only row food and mostly juices and others argue that only cooked food is safe and juices are dangerous. And while most of the diets say that we should not eat meat Dr. Gonzales in New York recommends meat to some of his patients and is very successful as they say.
Anyway, the only person I new at the time when I was diagnosed with cancer who cured herself without conventional medicine was a woman in Chicago- Ella Zebitsker - who after being told that she have six months to live started macrobiotic diet and was well and full of energy six or seven years later when I met her. And I decided to do the same.
I went to a macrobiotic counsellor Dafnie Watson who’s name I took in the macrobiotic website. I did not like the way she spoke to me on the phone - too bossy. Later I will make a rule not to have anything to do with people who sound like that on the phone. But at the time I thought that she is probably a very good nutritionist and knows what she is doing. I was up for a big disappointment. This woman who claimed to be also a feng shui practitioner took me to a dusty and cluttered house where she quickly wrote her recommendations on a paper and was anxious to get reed of me without any further explanations. These of you who familiar with a macrobiotic diet know that this diet consist of many unknown for us japanese products and a way of cooking is very important there. As I was promised four hour consultation I expected to get out of it with some understanding of how I should start that diet. I did not. Dafnie promised to return half of my payment and never did. Sometimes I think that my failure with this diet is due to the bad first experience of contact with it. I kept this diet for couple of months after I took couple of cooking lessons but did not feel right with it. I felt that the food is dead and I have neither nourishment nor pleasure. Strangely, I had not even lost any weight. Only a year later I found that I have intolerance for brown rice as well as for white one. But at that time I continued with this diet adding some juices and fresh fruits.
The other thing I always believed in was Chinese Medicine. So, I spend some time moving from one practitioner to another, making may be wrong choices based on my anger, fear, luck of trust and luck of money but finally, when I did not have any more energy, I settled with Andrew Flower who was recommended me by very famous herbalist who unfortunately for me practiced in Hove and not in London. Andrew at that time had a grant for a breast cancer research and I could have his treatments free of charge. So, I spend the whole year taking strange chinese herbs which, probably, helped me to some extend especially during chemotherapy which I later undertake, but did not have a strong enough effect to turn the process to opposite direction. I should say that all chinese practitioners I ever met recommended to me to have a medical treatment and some help with chinese medicine alongside. I just could not believe them.
The issue of money will arise again and again. Whenever we connect to “Cancer Underworld” money we need are enormous. When I say “underworld” I do not mean something illegal, but just not a mainstream, not usual cancer treatments. In a way this word describes very well the uncertainty and confused state of all cancer patients who need to make numerous choices with absolutely no exact information. Right now there are more books on this subject. But even with all the information we can gather from books and from internet the state we are in when we are fresh after the diagnosis does not help to navigate in the overwhelming sea of different opinions. My mind was just shut down. The only thing which moved me was instinct and a firm believe that there should be the way.
In the time being I went to the charity clinic for breast cancer patients called “Haven”. I am very grateful to them as they provided some place of peace for all of us and a lot of information which we could digest and try without paying lots of money money and being ridiculed for unconventional ways of treatments. For me it was really the only haven I had in all the world as everyone I knew thought that I am completely mad and irresponsible. But together with treatments I had there there was a couple of pieces of information which as I see it now completely changed my life.
First is Qi Gong which I started to do in “Haven” in a small group and was very impressed by the impact it had on my body. The feeling of energy was so strong that after first session I should have lay down for some time as I could not move so tired I was from the shifting the energy. After couple of months, very reluctantly, as it was very expensive, I decided to go to the master who was the teacher of the woman who taught Qi Gong in “Haven” at that time. I did not think I will continue as I thought that I will never find enough money to pay for lessons. But as soon as I saw Zhixing Wang and experienced his transmission and teaching I knew it is exactly what I need. I just wanted to stay with it.
The other thing I found in Haven was a tape by Brandon Bays who developed a process of dealing with memories hidden in our cells and by releasing them and forgiving our past experiences stimulating a healing process for different causes. That was called “The Journey”. And this was exactly what I was looking for. Exactly how I intuitively was hoping to heal myself. So I started to work with this tape which had two meditation - one for emotional “Journey”, the other for physical. I was doing these meditations every day, sometimes twice a day. Later, I bought a book and had sessions with therapists and went for intensive weekends. I had some very strong experiences, unloaded a lot of staff, but could not remove the main thing I started to do it for. It looked as I am trying to avoid something very deep inside me.
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